ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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