The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize