did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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