mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
