If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
