is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's the barista slut.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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