We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
