The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
