Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
