i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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