I need to stop coming to work sober
if only i could text you this smell
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
