Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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