let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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