OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
