I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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