He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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