That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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