hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
