i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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