I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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