yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
