OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
