Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
