If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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