last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
