Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
