Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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