he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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