R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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