I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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