...so i touched it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
