I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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