yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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