i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
