Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
