Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
