I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
