I am full of burrito and curiosity
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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