And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
