HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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