hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
