I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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