literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
