She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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