kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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