The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
