are you so shy because you have an std?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
