'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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