that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize