We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
