barbara walters just said penis...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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