I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
this hospital has no fireball
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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