OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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