you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Found the puke drawer
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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