Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
