Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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