I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
