In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
