That's when you crack a 10am beer
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
