Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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