Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
