Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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