bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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