I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
