Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
