beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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