I bet he comes in French.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
