Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
