Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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