If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
