Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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