there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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