that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
