you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
