Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
