so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
