How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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