In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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