When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Two words: blizzard sex
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