you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
soo... how was my night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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